It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
