sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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