you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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