I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
