somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
