I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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