the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
