Small penises have feelings too.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
