and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
