This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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