About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
