all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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