We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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