her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
