I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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