she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
