I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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