Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
