wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
