I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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