I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
