It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
