i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
