I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Randomize
