Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
