Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
smell my finger.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
