At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
