I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
