And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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