Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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