We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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