ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
