Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
the liver wants what the liver wants
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
