Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
