Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
