im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
