Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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