I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
