Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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