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just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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