By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
