I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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