During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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