is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
