The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
