if you like me you must not know who I am
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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