theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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