I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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