i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
