Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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