She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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