I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
