areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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