Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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