giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
