Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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