On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
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When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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