Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
