Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was born a porn star she said
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
