i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
