WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
