Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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