My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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