ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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