JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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