I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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