you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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