Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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