shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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