I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
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Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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