she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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