Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
