Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
