yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
