wanna go halves on a baby?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
