I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your penis caused this!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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