It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
