I'm laying in your front yard are you home
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
