I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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