Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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